Holiday Party Sign of the Times

2006 Christmas Party Announcement

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 8, 2006

RE: Christmas Party

Im happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 22, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! Well have a small
band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And dont be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will
be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should cost more than $10.00 to make it easier for
everyones pockets. Our CEO will make a special announcement. This
gathering is for employees only!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

P atty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 10, 2006

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterdays memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on were
calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no presents. No Christmas carol
sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now???

Happy Holidays to you and your family.


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 13, 2006

RE: Holid a y Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table…you didnt sign your name. Im happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,” AA
Only”; you wouldnt be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this?


Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe
$10.00 is a little too chintzy.



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 14, 2006

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinkin g during the
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
lu ncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees

Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of
the party – or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil
doggy baggy.

Will that work?

Meanwhile, Ive arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have
to sit with the Gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangement for the Gay mens table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed,
though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot contro l the salt used in the food
– we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste f irst. There
will be fresh fruit as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply
“No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F—king Employees

DATE: November 15, 2006

RE: the F—king Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks – Ive had it with you people!!! Were going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it,
and youll get your f—king salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
Ive heard them scream. Im hearing them right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holida y! Drive drunk and die!!!

The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 16, 2006

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

Im sure I speak for all of us wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery in “the
unit” and Ill continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party.

Happy Holidays!

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